wonderland

can you
describe to me
what it was?
because i've never felt
more lost.
the friends i have
keep falling and falling
out from under me.
be like a crutch,
but you ask for too much.
and i have these visions
of your eyes
running in my mind.
blink once blink twice
and lie to me
say it's just
not for me to see
but just because
i've done it once
just shut up!

i don't want to be
on the outside
looking in.

but it seems i always am.

call yourself a friend indeed?
i scream at you when i'm in need.
a play on words perhaps i'll be
when you see sorrow painfully.

veins

sticky spider words
and nuclear warheads
i'll quote you
but i won't support you
the way it stuck in my throat
when i wanted to scream
i'll ease it
but i won't believe it.

tell me

how is is
that i always manage
to miss my chances?
oh, say
the colloquial pressures of
a society long gone
and still
but i always held out a hope.
forgotten
the tall shadows
in the mosque
so darling
reflecting how
the three of us are dying
because now
the three of us are dying
tell us the news
show us the girl
and stop talking to me.

mannequin

identical
to how
i'll never be
describe the worlds
you want to see
the beauty that
is in your dreams
the beauty that
is in my dreams
i live too far away for my liking
and the washing machine
sounds like
a airplane motor
coming to take me away.

too late
i've been ashamed of
the knowing and
the shying away
from mirrors
looking in the souls of reapers
because i am not
the dressmaker's dummy
so take me for one of your own.

school high

gay prom queens
and sequestered juries;
the whole world is on trial.
i close my eyes for the
political enemies of
our father.
i lied three times
to you, to him, to me
break apart
pick apart my words now;
rarely does a book touch me
in such a way.
maybe
it's just the
understanding
of such a
sarcastic villain.
i wish i'd have someone
to be myself around
but i only have
a smoking buddy
and
judgmental words.

chokehold

maybe i
smoked the wrong stuff
when i was
here without you
and
last night
turning events
have me breaking
by the neck
with the
dresses
and tresses
and me all alone
i couldn't wait to come back home
maybe i'm wrong
when i cry
without this darkness
paradise
could i ever find
comprehend
and put myself
in the mind
of a virgin?

burnt poem

suburban
housewives
in the
smoker's section
of the
singing, vesting, dancing
restaurant
like the
epitome
of lighting up
a cigarette
i'm dying
without
these blackened lungs
and tongues.

and the
lipsticked lesbians
on the staircase
look at me cross eyed
when i take out
my pack and my lighter.

no morphine

breaking and
shaking and
shivering nights
i taste calamity
but in spite
of the words and
the cords and the vines
he'd tie us together
and leave us to die
sublime
define
the morning's rhyme
and i
[alive]
cannot refine
the shudders of
pulsating veins
take the reins
i hear blood pounding
in my ears
so when
i die
i'll satisfy
your eyes
but until then
good bye.

understand

that i will always be here
and i know
that there are
hard times
and troubling lies
and fake friends
my defence
i sway
to paralyze
and self revise
despite
the often
singular verbs that you use.

hello and goodbye
why can't you just try?
and pick up your
telephone
yes, no, yes, no
bus stops
now hold more meaning
than before.


for k and c.

shameless

it's those
snake skin hips
and the
corrosive blood baths
that send us
struggling
coughing
smoking
into the hazy past
to find a time
tonight
at last
let's drink
for wealth
for beauty
for honour
that shall prevail.

next door:
let's drink
to suicide
to open eyes
to birds and bees
to fantasies.

smoke stacks

shadows centered
in fatigue
like a pillar
a high up pillar
made of ice
good night and good bye
and i wish you hadn't told me
because now i lie
too boldly
i claim it doesn't bother me at all
when really
i'm dying of jealousy inside
hate the body
hate the face
hate the people
hate the name
everything that
she was born with
blew away like ashes
but she's rooted to the ground
and i can't move an inch
and i can't grow an inch
feed me
free me
need me
see me
i am just a tree.

cry moderation

you understand
that i conform
to the walls
stuck in my room
alone
staring at
the damn computer screen.

and without you
i could relate
to love
to reason
to hate
to fate
to be
to see
to realize
that i see my ghosts
in your eyes.

my iv drip and me

with eyes so wide
they reflect the sunrise
in blue
like you
in my
explosive state of mind
you blink
three times
wash away
my sunrise
and throw
the blanket
off
bodies
warm and touching
like
single souls
and gems
in rings of
singing

tornadoes.

doll face

pills
and cheap thrills
and advil stained hands
with stolen completion
of eight marching bands
could you stay
for a bit
in the rain
for a trick
for a doll
it's a call
from the
single minded side of me
fake eyelashes
and your
glowing embers
and i confess:
you are a terrible dinner guest.

tombstones

i've got my stutters
and you've got my lies
doesn't it sound
fantastic
tonight?
screaming
like tonsils
stuck in the
snow
there's nothing but
heart ache
in november's soul.
his house
is empty
of leaves
and of
sweat
oh, so she
takes a
biglongshortthroatydeepcoldsaltystingy
breath!
and begins her
speech
to the gravest audience
you'll ever find
it's called
regret.

today
i have a book bag
inside the book bag
i have several
very
important
newspaper articles.

woven words

open up your pores
like doors
like floors
when i stand here
tried alive
limbs fall like sparrows
out of
wooden skies
(it's part of life)
him:
a representation
of my
shingled roof
and a carefully draped ceiling.

welcome home:
back to your
disaster area.

mouth of a lion

truthfully
i hate your
annoyance
and the motions
of your hands
when you flutter
like an
angry hornet.

i despise your
wretched voice
and that
horrendous laugh
that breaks down
the world
like an earthquake.

i simply loathe
the way
you must insult
everything
that i have done.

i realize
that i am not
perfect.

admittance
is more than i can bear.

my claustrophobia
is
terrifying
for me to
live with
and yet you
continue to
bring back the
horrors of
a broken past.

can i say this tonight?

future future future
tense.

i refuse to
tolerate you
any longer
than i have to.

(i claim this;
i am a rock.)

people in glass houses

stay like a mover
move like a cruiser
and take me so far away
dance like a tosser
i think we've lost her
she's gotten carried away
these rhymes
are mine
i can't
deny
how hard
i've tried
to sacrfice
the numbness of my beating heart
when i see daydreams
from the start
when i defy
i petrify
but now
i lie
most of the time
in vain
the stain
beyond the wall
in through the window
i bravely crawl
into your bed
into the shed
when i am here
i'll rest my head.

the dead
the dead
the dead
the dead
will reawaken
in my bed.

the situation

you've got the death stare of
one thousand petals
throwing
flowing
down
down
down
and could i ever
make it so
make it so
out of order
like a jester
in my mask of
desperate hope?

i know
that when
plates break
you laugh
and i
dislike you
more and more
with each passing day
go away
stay away

(she's
claiming lives
straying dives.)

i just can't

understand why

my life
despite
the empty
subconscious of a lie
beauty
is not with me
tonight
want to
break you take you make you
down
while the thunder of
your hips and legs
move like
little birdie birds
beside me
how i hate
being me.

the pointless elegance
of your scattered
garden
of tangled hairs
always
enthralled me.

take him away

raw
words scrape like skin
against moving muscles and
singing lakes
that
break hugs between
two three four
water song birds
inside
the heart of the
tracheal opening
of the wound
in the arm of the boy
with the
eyes
that are openly beautifully brown
reflecting your past
mistakes with a
careful
sense of
foreboding shame.